I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
