??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
its not stalking. its research.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
