i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
