I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
