Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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