and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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