yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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