just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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