very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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