i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
