I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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