How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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