I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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