So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
