Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
