I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
