idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
