i love accidental penises.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
