We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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