The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize