in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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