Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
