Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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