Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
