The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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