i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
