I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
