it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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