Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
