He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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