I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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