So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
