he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
