just tell him i said nine months
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
