drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
