I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
