i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
