He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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