im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize