You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
