Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We are all done wearing pants today
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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