I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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