Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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