saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
