WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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