I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
