This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
