This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
