I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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