i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
