apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
