So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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