new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
