Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
