She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
