yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
