did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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