Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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