A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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