It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
