Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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