is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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