my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
