So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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