If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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