she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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