Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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