I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
how drunk are you?
Several
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
