HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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