jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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