You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
