Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
