I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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