nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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