I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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