Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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