I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
