You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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