'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
