11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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