69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
