I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
