The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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