On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
