He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
