There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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