I want to have your abortion
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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