I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
