The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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