She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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