There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
