my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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