yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
