plz talk dirty to me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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