The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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