This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
