we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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